Sunday, August 7, 2011

Reminder to myself #1

This time last year, my mind and heart discovered something that made every good thing along with all the minor bad things seem completely irrelevant. Nothing could be saved. It was over. I knew deep in my mind and heart that there was no patching this up. There was no cure or healing process. Yet, after some trials, I allowed it to linger. Hope? Love? Faith? I don’t know. Guard was down, way down, for once in my life. And instantly, I mean literally in a matter of seconds, a brick wall layered with heavy metal and barbed wires wrapped all around my heart and world.

This year, I’m better. But I remember. And it stings still a little bit. But I know I cannot let that hold me back. I want to live without fear. Scars remain, but I’m not afraid. I can’t be afraid. How can one live and prosper with fear? I don’t feel any vengeance either. Everything worked out the way it was meant to. (no cliché) Guard is still there but it doesn’t seem significant anymore. Regardless, barriers can be broken and emotions can seep in through various cracks and veins. What’s the worst that can happen? I feel again. I don’t like the numbness. Pain makes me grow. Love makes me grow. Numbness keeps me at a standstill.

Never was anything great achieved without danger.

– Machiavelli

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